Kidxcuse me please

Don’t let your kids become your excuse for being lazy.

Let’s go shopping
No, I am a mother of two

Did you read the new chetan bhagat novel
No, I am a mother of two

I went to this new spa yesterday. It’s having a discount. Should I take an appointment for you
No, I am a mother of two

You seem to have become more plump
Yes, I am a mother of two

Did you hear this new singer
No, I am a mother of two

Your house is a mess
Yes, I am a mother of two

Old school friends are catching up over the weekend,
No, I am a mother of two

How’s your weight loss thing going
Not good, I am a mother of two

How about movie and dinner tonite
No, I am a mother of two

Mom, will you play carrom with me
No, I am a mother of two

Seriously??? Hello, Neha Kedia, wake up, are you really so tied up with your kids or are they becoming your excuse for getting lazy day by day……

My son, Pratham, my first born, as he likes to call himself, turns 10 years today. And if I look back at his infant and toddler years, I feel that those were difficult times, considering that he was one super duper hyper active kid with lots of unused potential energy waiting to just blow like a volcano. With him around me, my antaenna was always up searching to catch any danger signals which were very frequent. But I managed to sail through it. A lot of it I owe to my mother-in-law who made things very easy for me. Of course, there were many lifestyle changes that took place like sleep-when-the-baby-sleeps, work-when-the-baby-sleeps, bath-when-the-baby-sleeps, eat-when-the-baby-sleeps and so on but that is okay. It’s only a matter of time, till we got used to each other and fell in love eventually!!!
Uhhh, yes, it took me some time to fall in love with Pratham. It’s not that I hated him from the moment I saw him. The saying that you forget all about the pain of delivering your baby when you hear their voice (which is actually crying) and when you touch and feel them for the first time, is so true. It was one magical moment when I held his teeny weeny hands in the labor room. I cannot forget that moment even as he turns 10 years old today. I was very cautious and alert about what was being done to him, whether it was the vitamin drops, the temperature of his bath water, the way his nappies were washed, but it was more out of concern than love. It was more of possessiveness than affection. There were times when I thought,” am I being a good mother to him? How can I put myself before him? Mothers don’t do that!!What are OTHERS going to think about me?” But as he grew older, I realised that only if I am at peace with my inner self, I will be able to bring him up with love and confidence, cherishing every moment that he is awake, rather than just waiting for his nap times, feeling relieved when he sleeps. By the time he was three months, we had grown as a mother and son, we warmed up to each other and I started enjoying his company, clicking candid pictures, making notes about his firsts( first smile, first eye contact, first word), dressing him up, taking him to the park and talking endlessly about his playful antics with other mothers at the park. Somewhere I had realised that the sleepless nights, colic bouts, umpteen trips to the doctor, all of these are only temporary and it’s not right of me to blame him for putting me through this. As one of the mothers at the park rightly said,” what did you expect?? Will he start walking and talking the day he was born?? You have to bond with him to be able to understand him and slowly he will communicate with you about his needs.” I don’t remember this mother’s name who really shook me up and made me face the reality but I will be ever grateful to her for doing that otherwise I wouldn’t share the same relationship with my son as today. From that day, it just got better and better and once he started going to school, I always had the time to do things which can be done in some peace and quiet, away from someone who is constantly dependent on you.

After six and a half years, I had my second child, Diaa. I was back to those old days, sleep-when-the-baby-sleeps, work-when-the-baby-sleeps, bath-when-the-baby-sleeps, eat-when-the-baby-sleeps and so on but this time I had Pratham beside me, my pillar of strength. With my daughter, it was love at first sight, because my son had already prepared me about what to expect. There were days when I used to feel I have gone back in time instead of moving ahead and whether it was wise to have a baby after so many years but the sensibility shown by my son in handling his mother and sister put all my doubts to rest. In fact now I feel I couldn’t have given him a sibling at a better age.

Coming back to where I started, are my kids my excuse for being lazy?? Well, I don’t like admitting it but yes, somewhere my own lazy ways have started pilling up on me. I have gotten so used to being at home and doing just as much as is absolutely necessary. The thought of stepping out of the house doesn’t excite me unless it has some connection with my kids. I am not bothered about my clothes, my appearance, my hobbies, my life. And whenever someone tries to get me out of this zone, my excuse is that I am a mother of two, I don’t have the time for all this and very conveniently everyone believes me. No arguements, no forcing, no coaxing, nothing. I am happy being in my own cocoon. It’s only recently I have realised that I could have always done all of the above listed things if I wanted to, my kids never came in my way. That its not my kids who have changed things for me but it’s my own procrastinating nature which is beginning to dominate me. That my kids have never deprived me of any pleasures which I used to have earlier, before their birth.

I am a stay-at-home mom. And I know many stay-at-home moms who are absolute stunners, always well dressed, have an impeccable house and are raising up their kids brilliantly. In fact, I know some working moms also who are doing just that. Earlier I used to think that we are different individuals. She is doing it, doesn’t mean I have to do it too. But now I feel, if she can do it why can’t I?? It’s all about managing your time, getting used to the changes happening in your life and multi-tasking. I want to say this today to all the moms who feel that motherhood has taken away your freedom, that being a mom of one or two or three is eating up your ME time, think again. Maybe things are not as difficult as they seem. Maybe, just maybe, even you are using motherhood as an excuse for your own laziness. I totally and completely agree that being a mother brings many changes in your life but so does marriage or the loss of a loved one or moving in to a new house or city or even country. Even if you have a new boss in your office, or a guest at your house for a few days, things change. But we make every possible effort to adjust to these new changes and sooner or later accept the pros and cons of it. Just because parenting is more permanent in nature, given that it affects our lives for a longer period, doesn’t mean that we crib about its after effects. Give motherhood also the same chance and you will definitely find it very fulfilling and self satisfying. After all, there cannot be a greater reward for parenting than to see your children grow up to be good natured, sensitive and confident adults ready to face the world, making their own mistakes and learning from it and eventually become loving spouses and great parents themselves.

To all those moms who are actually struggling with their kids, just relax and give yourself a break. It’s ok if the house is a little untidy once in a while, it’s ok if you feed cerelac to your baby to catch up on some sleep. But once this phase is over, take your life back in your hands. Don’t make the messy house or packed food a way of living. It will have a snowball effect on other aspects of your life. Because as time passes, your kids will grow up leaving you with lots of time to yourself, but the laid back attitude, that slowly and quietly creeps inside you, will also try to find a permanent residence within you. Once it sets its roots deep, it will get more difficult to uproot. I came to know this when recently my daughter asked me to take her to the society park and I was finding it so hard to just get up from the couch. That’s when it hit me that What was once an adjustment, has become a habit. What was once temporary, has become permanent. What was once a reason, has become an excuse. My unwillingness to do a few things because my kids needed more of my time was slowly spilling over my willingness to spend time with them. I didn’t come to know when it happened to me. You may not too. So, once your kids are old enough, probably when they start going to daycare or school, the messy house should start bothering you. The unironed clothes, the milk spill, the movie that you want to watch, the book you want to read, the missed spa appointment, the missed trip to the park, the dress that fitted you six months back but is now a tad too tight, everything should bother you. It should bother you if you are lazy and your excuse is,” I am a mother of two.”

On my son’s 10th birthday, I hope I can gift my kids a more active and full of life mother minus the laziness.
Happy birthday Pratham!!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s