Let it flow when you have to

Picture this:

It’s 2:15pm. I went to pick up my 4year old daughter from school.  She was playing with her favourite hand puppets and was happy to see me. On our walk back, she playfully asked me to carry her to the activa. A menstrual back ache made me say no to her.  She requested, I denied, she insisted, I denied, she demanded, I denied. We reached the activa and it was all forgotten. The ride back was full of talks about what happened in school, whether tiffin is finished or not and the usual. In the evening, at about 6:30pm, she again remembered that she had asked me to carry her and I had refused and wanted to be carried now. I told her I will make her sit in my lap while she eats her soup but she wanted to be carried around the house and not sit in my lap. What concluded happily in the afternoon turned in to a tantrum in the evening. She was crying, howling and screaming in my ears sitting in my lap. After some time, I lost it. I screamed back at her. She just gave me a silent gaze startled by the sudden rise in my voice and again started crying. But this time, she was crying out of hurt. I could feel it in her voice. The same girl crying a few seconds ago was getting on my nerves and now the crying of the same girl was melting away my heart. I was angry with myself for not obliging such a small request by her. She only wanted to be loved and I couldn’t fulfill that.  The guilt had set in. I immediately took her in my arms and started carrying her around. All the pain and the cramps were forgotten.  She rested her head on my shoulders and hugged me tightly. The warmth in that hug said so much to me. I was shedding silent tears by now, Happy that she was not crying and guilty that I hurt her. She heard me cry and lifted her head up to confirm if she was right. She saw me crying and started crying again. This time, we were united in our sorrow. She was crying for me, I was crying for her. We both wiped each other’s cheeks and made peace. I gave her a set of crayons and a book to draw and colour. Now she went about doing her business and  I did mine.

All this happened in duration of merely 15-20 minutes. So many emoitons were experienced and so much was said silently but the one thing that was common in this emotional roller coaster was tears. We were both shedding tears. Tantrum tears, hurt tears, anger tears, guilt tears, I-love-you-you-love-me tears, lets-end-this-tears.

Tears have a sweet and salty relationship with the human heart. It is no surprise that nature has chosen this emotion to express our arrival in this beautiful world. A child’s cry is the first sound that falls on mother’s ears.  In fact the crying signifies that all is well and if the baby doesn’t cry then he/she is made to cry. From here begins a journey between the heart and eyes, connected by the watery gland. You feel happy, tears well up your eyes. You feel sad, tears moist your cheeks.  You feel victorious, accepted and successful or you feel defeated, rejected and unsuccessful, tears just show up without taking our permission. Just goes to show that they have a very strong mind of their own and will just arrive unannounced.  Even the LOL emoticon is shown having tears!!

In spite of having such a strong connection with all human emotions possible, tears or rather crying is considered a sign of weakness.  A person with a very active set of tear glands is always an easy target. But I feel otherwise.  I feel tears bind us very strongly. There’s a saying,” a family that prays together stays together.” I say,” a family that can cry together in its sorrow stays together.” What happened between my daughter and me was not the first time. It has happened before and ditto between my son and me. After each incident, we just realised that we love each other way too much to cause any amount of pain to each other. Somewhere it gave a message that your pain is my pain, your sorrow is my sorrow, and we have each other to share the downs as much as enjoy the ups. I don’t know if they understand this now but when they grow up, they will remember me as a human who had shortcomings and who also needed a shoulder to cry on just like they do. And also, I will be there for them should they need to lean on me and wet my lap.

Another aspect about crying which I like is that it really helps to vent out. Sometimes, things and situations are not in our control. They don’t go the way we want them to. It results in frustration, anger, helplessness getting built up inside. As much as you want to fight it and find a solution, you are just not able to see it right. But after you have cried your heart out, the fog seems to clear. You can see things in the correct perspective and work things out without losing your cool.

So, next time you feel like crying, don’t hold back, just let the tears flow when you have to and release the pressure.

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